My Morning Routine

Alarm clocks don't work for me, so I season a duck and throw it in the oven at 130°C before I go to bed. By the time 7am rolls around, the fucker is burning his quack off, and the smell awakens me from slumber like clockwork. Still half asleep, I rescue the bird, which also prevents the flat burning down in a nasty fire. I wouldn't want that.

I hop in the shower. A few years ago I stopped using shampoo as it damages the tips of delicate hair fibre strands. I use only olive oil now, which makes my hair glow throughout the day, and enriches the scalp roots. I use my time in the shower to relax and think about the things I need to do that day.

Breakfast time. My duck gets grated and added to scrambled eggs. It gives them a crispy finish that compliments my toast, which I have raw. If I'm squeezed for time, as I often am, I'll have an orange. If not, the oranges are squeezed with lime, tasting more than fine. I couldn't possibly start my day without a glass of freshly squeezed juice. I leave for work at 8am.

I spend my first waking hour doing exactly the same stuff as I did the day before. I don't know if I should be trying to develop good habits, or making an effort to introduce some spark and spontaneity. People feel defensive or proud over their routines, but in my opinion, they are the epitome of comfort-zone; easy to fall into, but hard to crawl out of. Even though they can be productive and healthy, I find them tedious and depressing.

I've had a job since I was 16 and I've never pulled a sickie. In principle, I'm not against them (depending on your job of course). I always wanted to go someplace barbarically ludicrous on my employer's watch.

“The 17.15 to Liverpool Lime street has been cancelled. This is due to a member of the train crew being unavailable”

It's annoying when your train gets cancelled but if a train driver is off climbing a fucking mountain or something, I say fair play. Sadly, the reality is that he's probably caring for his sick spouse, or trapped in bed with mental illness. eek. And the cancelled train probably has some knock on consequences slightly more serious than a suit being late to his meeting.

But I'm a carefree and healthy young person, so I don't think about these things.

Thank you for reading, I hope your day so far is going better than you hoped.